Souvenirs and a celebration

Published on by Jane

It’s been a year, one whole year since my last chemotherapy treatment. Since any treatment for endometrial cancer. A year since my goal was to make it through the day a step at a time. One year of No Cancer!

This first anniversary weaves itself in and out of my days. I remember what a struggle it was to do anything, from getting out of bed, to doing my job, to knitting. I smile when I think about all the love and care that came from my family and friends, and of all those people I don’t know in real life, too, like some of you. I can still taste saline and heparin and taxol if I think about it. 

I can’t help but stop and think about what I was doing, where I was, how I felt at this moment, or on that day a year ago, or a year and a half. And I think about it this way: I’m proud of myself. I worked hard. I tried to be honest. I hope I became wiser. I wanted to find myself here right now, recovering and happy, and I did.

There are remnants and reminders of the journey — souvenirs, as a dear friend put it. A little blurred vision, still tender lungs, a slightly less efficient heart, swelling in my legs, numbness in my toes. Souvenirs, including the one inch scar where my port was, which reminds me every day that I set my whole body and mind on reaching the land of No Cancer. I accept them, because I arrived.


But now it’s time to celebrate! On Thursday I shared the evening with some of the women who spent so many hours with me while I had chemo. I loved seeing all of them together, around a table piled with delicious food. We toasted me, we toasted Dr. Pearl. If you know me you’ll think I spent the evening in tears, but I didn’t. We laughed and I smiled, and it was the best way to celebrate the year!

I want to make my anniversary last, so I have an idea. We all have anniversaries — days or moments we remember, that we look to to help us mark time. Leave a comment, and tell me about an anniversary that you celebrate, big or small. I want to know what makes it special and memorable. 
For every comment on this post between now and my birthday on April 28th, I’ll make a donation to the Gynecologic Cancer Foundation. It’s a wonderful organization that supports research and promotes public awareness of gynecologic cancers, and it’s been invaluable to me since my diagnosis. Its Women’s Cancer Network was the first website I visited that helped me make sense of what was happening to me. With your help, I want to do more for them.

There’s more, because I want to spread my happiness around a little. At the end of the month I’ll do the random number thing and somebody will win a prize! If the winner is a knitter, there will be yarn. If not, there will be a book.

So what do you say — want to play along? I hope so!

105 thoughts on “Souvenirs and a celebration”

  2. Jane, it's been a long year for me, also. It was a year in February since my spinal reconstruction. I'm happy to be in 2010 but still working on recovery. Still, 2010 brought grandsons 3 and 4 (and even 2009 was happy that way, with a great niece born). And I have gotten a LOT of knitting done, including donations to various charities. So a good year, in many ways. I celebrate your anniversary and will join you in enjoying the spring.

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  3. Congratulations…or, since cancer is a journey, welcome home. I have been taking tamoxifen for a year, not anything like what you have been through, but it does make one take stock and value LIFE.

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  4. I am smiling as I read this. I've read your journey (or as much of it as you could share). I have another friend who is nearing her one-year anniversary as well and I cheer for you both (and am so glad that you are here).

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  6. Congratulations on a year cancer-free. I am so grateful – it will be two years – April 7th – that my wonderful assistant has been cancer-free. Judy battled ovarian cancer with grace and a determination to overcome it. I am so happy for her and appreciate her every day. May you and Judy enjoy every day – bless you!Maria

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  7. A whole year. And what a year it's been. Jane, your words about celebrations have made me realize that most of the events I observe have more to do with endings than beginnings. So I proudly add this day to my personal calendar of celebrations. You are an amazing and most beloved friend, and I join you in marveling that this day has come. Let there be cake!

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  8. I really enjoy reading your blog. I hope your next year will be everything you want it to be and more! Enjoy your anniversary! 🙂

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  9. Congratulations on being cancer free for a year. That is a marvelous accomplishment. It has been just over a year since my own diagnosis and we are taking a break from my taxol treatments for a while. My wife and I will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary on May 2nd.

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  10. One year will soon turn into two and then three and then more. Congratulations on your anniversary. It's been 20 years since I found out I had melanoma, back in the day when it was unheard of in young people. I feel very fortunate to be a survivor.

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  12. It's so unfair the way cancer touches us so permanently.It's kinda cool that we can make that touch be on the tip of our toe as we kick it in the ass.You go, girl.I am truly, deeply, honored to know you.

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  13. Congratulations on your year anniversery!!! Yeah!!!I celebrate two dates, one the date my endometrial cancer was surgically removed from my body (six years last month) and the other the date my radiation treatment ended. On the first, I buy myself a ring each year, that I can wear to remind myself not to take life for granted that year, for the second I celebrate with a nice dinner out with friends!

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  14. What a great idea! The hard part for me is deciding which anniversary to mention here. Hmmm … the first thing that comes to mind is February 1, 1979 when a Southern Pacific freight train knocked my car down the tracks, then off the tracks. I was saved by an off-duty policeman who just happened to see the accident. The ambulance people told me (later) that I had some seizures then lapsed into what turned out to be a four-day coma. When I woke up, the nurses kept saying, "You're so lucky to be alive!"Amen. L'chaim sister!! And much love,

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  15. Well my celebration of an anniversary is your celebration of an anniversary – and I am thrilled and honored to celebrate it with you both this past week and for many many years to come 😀

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  16. On August 9, this year, it will be the 35th anniversary of my marriage to a wonderful guy, who died on that same date in 2006 of Type 1 (aka Juvenile) Diabetes. It's a bitter-sweet celebration, but well deserved, as our years together shaped my life. We have 2 wonderful, loving, well-adjusted adult children, and many good friends, and it will be a time for remembering all of those blessings that being his wife brought into my life.

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  17. On January 31 I remembered the day, two years ago, when my five closest Michigan girlfriends sat in the surgical waiting room at the U of Michigan while I had a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy. While they waited, they made me beautiful beaded bracelets, that I still wear whenever I go for a mammogram or a routine oncology appointment. A month later they made little goddess dolls and sent them to me here in Santa Fe, to take to radiation with me. I celebrate my wonderful friends, Cecilia, Donna, Ella, Huda, and Patti, every day. But especially on January 31. Suzan

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  18. I finished my radiation treatments for breast cancer 6 years ago this month. I can go whole days now without thinking about it even once. It's a great feeling, isn't it? Congratulations!

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  19. congradulations jane, one of my friends here is starting the journey to her one year of cancer free…. she just finished her heperin, and is slowly coming back to the new her (and fantastic post chemo hair)vi

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  23. In between posting and reading i am knitting–socks for a fund raising event for breast cancer research–(and now with this post, making a contribution!) Cancer–takes is name from the crab–it gets in creaves–and its crabby. What a joyful post–how wonderful to be cancer free (the disease) and the sentiment–how delighfully un crabby and pleasant. Many more years of crab free life!

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  24. Happy Happy One Year Cancer Free, Jane! How wonderful! (((((XXOO)))) :)You are amazing in so many ways. Your fight and determination that this cancer was not going to get you down; your creativity that flows from your fingers. Do you still paint too?I have no anniversary to share with you that could even half compare. Most of the anniversaries that stick out in my mind are sad ones and not happy ones. (Deaths of my Mom and certain dogs come to mind.)Maybe I could say it was the day (four years ago April 17th) that we moved to New Jersey. Our lives truly changed for the better and we just love living on the East Coast.

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  25. I am just a slient "stalker" or observer. I usually don't comment on your blog but read and absorb. I am an avid knitter and have been following your blog for a while. I always enjoyed reading your blog not just for the knitting part but also to learn the amazing journey you have been through.As of late, my mother went to the hospital for some pain and swelling in her arm. They decided to take her into surgery to drain it even though her blood presure and plateletts were low. We waited for her to come out from recovery after surgery and after five hours the doctor said she was having a hard time breathing and that they were moving her to the ICU. A couple days later she was diagnosed with Acute Meyliod Leukemia. She has been heavily sedated and has a breathing tube. Her chances were prognosed as slim. She is currently undergoing chemotherapy.So today, I am just hoping that we can someday celebrate her one year anniversay as cancer free. Thank you for giving me hope.

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  26. In May I will celebrate 2 years since treatment for ovarian cancer. The radical hysterectomy I underwent was not a big deal – the almost bleeding to death (due to a bleeding disorder which nobody knew I had) afterwards was. Apparently I was within 30 minutes of not making it. But I did and I'm still here and cancerfree and it makes me glad to be alive every day. My friends were wonderful and I look back on it as a time of great love and caring. I also make sure now that I always take time to smell the rosesBy the way – I love your blog!

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  27. Jane – congratulations on your first "re-birthday." As someone who has been there (breast cancer – my 2nd re-birthday is in June) I totally understand how important it is to celebrate this really joyous milestone. I am so happy you can share your celebration with us – here's a toast to you for kicking cancer in the ass.

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  28. I send you joyful wishes for many more Happy Anniversaries in good health, Jane. I only have to look back 5 days to celebrate. Last Thursday April 1 my father, age 80, received 2 angioplasties and 5 stents, this 15 years after quintuple bypass surgery. L'Chaim (TO LIFE)!!

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  29. Congrats on being one year out!Two summers ago we celebrated my best girlfriend's 5 year 'cancer-versary' — 5 years out from her initial diagnosis of breast cancer — she rented a villa in Tuscany & had a bunch of us celebrate in Italy with her. (Ironically she was diagnosed again with breast cancer just before the trip, but has had a double mastectomy & is doing great.)I myself feel I've dodged a bullet — several years ago I had a very abnormal pap. After a couple procedures (and thankfully no cancer) I've had normal paps & curettages since.

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  30. Congratulations – that's definitely something to celebrate!Other than birthdays, I don't really have any anniversaries that help me mark time (I even manage to miss the birthdays until too late sometimes). I'm more likely to look at seasonal cues than at the calendar.

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  33. August 12, 1971….a whooping 39 years ago I had surgery for ovarian cancer. I was one of the lucky survivors. As the anniversary comes now I just silently remember and say a prayer of thanks for all I have been able to experience in my life. Nothing grandiose or extravagant just everyday graces. Bless you for making it through all the hard bumps of cancer. It truly does make us stronger.

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  34. If you're going to have such an anniversary, I'm delighted to share the date of my birth with you, dear Jane. My teensy personal anniversary is far less momentous than any OP here, but I never knew how it would change my life. On Saturday of Labor Day Weekend, 2000, I walked into a now-departed LYS for the first time. I left with a Susan Bates instructional flyer, some yarn and a pattern. The sweater was finished in two weeks. Being able to pick up needles and share so much with so many creative, talented and thoughtful people has been a gift of epic proportion. I never let Saturday of that weekend go by without grateful remembering.

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  36. Cheers! This is a time to celebrate all the wonderful things about you! I wish you many happy days ahead filled with friends and (of course) fibery goodness! KnittingKittens

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  38. Yay! Congratulations, Jane. I love to celebrate my childrens' birthdays, and wedding anniversary (24 years coming up) – all these in May. I'm adding a new date this year – July 28 – which marks 1 year of completing radiation for breast cancer. Every day that goes by, I think of it a little less and try to move on a little more. Happy anniversary!Peace & Love,Liz

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  39. Dearest Jane, congratulations on this first of what shall be many anniversaries. I am so glad to know you.I'm pretty sentimental and I tend to mark a lot of dates on the calendar for various reasons, some happy, some sad, some geeky. But the day of the year I spend remembering where I was and what was happening back when is the day that my son was born. Not only to celebrate that blessed event but also because I almost didn't survive it. Delivery went well but complications afterward sent me to the ICU with a gaggle of doctors playing "House" trying to figure out what happened and how to fix it. I was lucky to survive without any permanent damage. I think of that time in January as a transformational one for me, not only becoming a mother but also seeing the world with newly grateful eyes. Life can change in an instant, sometimes due to a brewing, stewing cancer that is found out, other times due to a missed step or a careless driver. Your blog posts always remind me to stop and take a moment to look around in gratitude.

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  40. Congratulations Jane!What a great way to celebrate.I'm a cytotechnologist (14 years in August). When I was sitting behind the microscope I reviewed a lot of paps and needle biopsies. Your story and the commenters' all probably involved cytologic assessment at some point. It is pretty neat to see things from the other end and know there are some happy endings out there after the initial diagnosis.I'm still involved in women's health and cancer but in a support role providing training and supporting my company's equipment in Cytology labs across the country. Thanks for opening my eyes to The GYN CA foundation, I'll make sure it is one my company matches donations to.I knit too and started a pair of socks this weekend following your hedgerow pattern so I've been thinking of you as you've been celebrating. Wishing you continued health and happy knitting.

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  42. Happy 1st year HON! Ya know, I celebrate my sobriety every September, without it we wouldn't have all our adventures together that have brought us thus far. I guess that's what keeps me mostly humble and helped me help get you-here!

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  46. Well, this is going to sound like Debbie Downer, but it's NOT, OK? Today is the evening to light a candle for my guy's yahrtzeit. And it feels important to me that it coincides with such a happy anniversary for the woman who noticed how nice he was when he was in her bookstore that time. And had the kindness to tell me about it.Enjoy, enjoy! Revel and ravel! xoxoxo Kay

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  47. I'm so filled with joy for you today as I read about your one-year anniversary. Thank you for sharing your stories so eloquently. I found your blog through knitting, but you have shared and taught me so much besides your lovely knitted pieces. Continued good health to you! Karen M.

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  49. Twelve years ago I lost my beloved cousin, Jacqueline, to bone cancer.Seven years ago I lost my beloved younger sister, Lorna, to bladder cancer.Almost 18 months ago I lost my beloved husband Lew, to lung cancer.There are no words to express the joy I have in my heart to know that you have reached this amazing milestone in your life, and I definitely wish you many many more.For every one of you that succeed now in kicking ass in the fight against cancer, there will be one less beloved cousin, sister, spouse that is taken in the future. For all of you are teaching the medical profession, every day, more and more about conquering the beast Cancer. All the best to you always. 🙂

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  50. I congratulate you on your anniversary. Your cause is one close to heart. One month ago I lost my beloved younger sister to cervical cancer, one that is often curable. All her tests were negative until five weeks before her death. More research on prevention and detection is definitely needed.I salute your resolve and your generosity.

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