Three months is a long time. A long time in any life, practically a season, and a long time to be away from this space. I didn’t really go anywhere, but I feel like I’ve been on a long journey.
Just after I posted the last time, I was told that I needed more chemotherapy. Three more rounds, to see if we could improve the results. That I needed the extra treatments at all was hard news — hadn’t I already done everything humanly possible? — but the treatments themselves seemed to take everything out of me. I thought I’d gotten away without experiencing really severe fatigue, but there I was, having to go back to bed after doing something as simple as making a cup of tea. I went to work, barely, and the stairs up to my apartment became my one goal for the day: could I climb Mt. Everest one more time?
But look, here I am, living to tell the tale. I did it. I got the good news about my latest scans on my birthday, and I celebrated by going to the ocean. I had to stay up on the dune because the sand was just too soft to navigate, but I went there, and I had a good cry and a nice time.
I’ve been told that I’m brave and strong, and I suppose I might be. But every person who does this, this chemotherapy and cancer treatment, is extraordinary. It’s done quietly, somewhere, every day, by brave people who want to live. I am honored to be in such good company!
My knitting has suffered quite a bit these past few months. It seems that I did get a burst of energy at one point, because I spun up some Foxfire Cormo/Silk roving.
I cast on this little scarf in the middle of March, and worked on it while I was being pumped with toxic chemicals. Before long I had a nice warm springtime scarf, which I wore a lot, since our spring is notoriously slow to show herself.
Other than this one little bit, no knitting has been seen in my hands for a long time. I’m still surrounded by it — just the other day I shook the dust off the beginnings of a nice shawl — but I haven’t been inspired to knit. I think that will change soon. My energy is returning, slowly but steadily, and my brain is clearing, along with the blurry vision that was a temporary side effect of one of the chemo drugs.
I’m sure I’ll get back to knitting before long — and back to many other things, as well!
7:30pm Edited to add: I just got home from my b’day dinner at Judy’s house, where what we were really celebrating was that I can look forward to more birthdays. I think it’s beginning to sink in…
Not Plain Jane 