Fitting in

I’ve always had a hard time fitting in. Aside from my own little tribe of siblings, I had no group to belong to, no community when I was young. I made a terrible Girl Scout, and I didn’t make friends easily. I felt outside, never in. As I grew older, a gradual shift occurred, beginning in college. At last, a place I belonged! Well, sort of. I was scared and insecure. I held back.

Years passed and I noticed a further shift; I had connections to small communities of weavers or spinners or journal-writers, places I felt I fit in, and people didn’t blink an eye as they included me. How strange! I was still insecure, just not so scared.

Now here I am, nearly fifty-two years old, and I marvel at how comfortably I fit in. I have friends and communities, things to do and opportunities to seize, and doors to open. Lucky me!

When I stop to think about the terrible events at Virginia Tech, my sadness comes from way down deep, from where my own loneliness, fear, and isolation used to live. I can’t let myself imagine how it must have felt to face the man with the gun, or to be the man with the gun.

All I can do is wish that Peace will come and comfort everyone who has been hurt.

8 thoughts on “Fitting in

  1. I was thinking that yesterday. The tragedy for those who were killed and their families is beyond imagining. I have not watched any of this on the news (as I did with Columbine); there is only so much I can handle. But I find myself thinking of a single death and its effect on a community, and then multiplying that many times over. It’s mind-boggling. (I feel this way about Iraq casualties, both U.S. and Iraqi, as well.)As for the shooter, we all know what it is like to feel like an outsider at some point, but who can understand the private agony of feeling that way to such a degree (like with the Columbine killers) that you would kill (and kill and kill) over it?


  2. It is sad beyond belief to feel so lonely as that. I know that is how my daughter once felt, because we had killings at our little neighborhood school, three doors away, and she could understand how someone could reach those levels of despair. That day all that was on our minds was to save the children.I’m glad that you found a place to fit in and feel comfortable my dear Jane.


  3. Sweet Jane, Among my responses to your post are these:~~ Thank you for putting into your words some of my emotions from the past few days. ~~ Hon, you have many peeps out there/here & I’m one of them. ~~ One of my work colleagues & best buds there has twin (teen) kids – a few months ago, a fellow student came to school w/ a gun he had stolen from his home & in front of a hallway filled w/ fellow students, told everyone to get down & he killed himself in front of them. He was a hard woking student & volunteer fire fighter, a young man w/ such a bright future. The effect of his death will forever be w/these young people.XOXO to you, my friend.


  4. Good post. I’ve been the same way, especially when I was younger and in college. It’s sad to think someone can feel like such an outsider that it would lead to this. Thanks for the post.


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